I'm going to write a new book on "How to Make Your Neighbor Hate you." I think that I'm learning by experience so I'd better put that to use. Some of the little things I've come up with are:
Get dogs. It never fails that wherever I go, there are guaranteed to be dog haters living next to me. They will call animal control when I'm out with my dogs playing catch, or when I'm walking them, biking with them, or helping my dogs relieve their pent up energy.
Let your kids play outside without adult supervision. It doesn't matter whether they are 2 or 11--they apparently ALWAYS need supervision. They can't even go out alone to get the mail. Heaven forbid if your kids want to walk to school, home from school, to the church that is 2 blocks away...they can't. You are being a negligent parent by not hovering. You MUST drive them everywhere--even if it's to the church two blocks away. Letting your children learn to find their way around town by themselves when they are young is not ok. We must not teach independence until they start to turn 18ish. Then we can hold their hand and show them where the church and grocery store are.
Let the kids toys stay in the yard overnight or longer. It's overrated to put toys away that you are just going to use the next day anyway. Make sure to dump your bikes on the driveway or heck, even in the road by your own driveway. That way if your neighbors would like to park on the street by your driveway, they can't. They shouldn't anyway. After all, it's YOUR part of the street. (Believe me, this has happened.)
Have your dog dig under the fence and end up in the neighbor's fenced yard. It's not like I can control everything around me--I try but to no avail. Penny likes to dig and has managed to dig a squirrel size hole and fit through both the front fence and the side fence. I don't know how she can fit with all her fur--seeing as she can get out but has trouble getting back in. Now that there is another dog on the other side of the fence it makes it more fun to try to peek under to catch a glimpse on what could be dinner.
Let your cat roam. Good luck keeping the cat inside the fenced area. Our cat Torro gets chased by our dogs and has bounded up quite gracefully onto the six foot fence to just teeter there teasing the three barking black dogs trying to get a bite. The dogs do know who is boss (Torro) and continually try to challenge her bossship. But the good news of cats roaming is that they catch all the mice and snakes from the neighbors yards and brings them home to live.
Let your cat poop in the neighbor's flower beds. They never garden or come outside so they won't notice. Besides, anyone who has ever had a high and mighty cat know that they are really snobs inside little bodies and you can't MAKE them do or NOT do anything. Of course, cats don't care what dirt they go in as long as it's convenient for them. I've found some great piles of treasure in my own yard while gardening. Some with my bare hands. Oooh, fun fun.
Have regular fires outside in an approved fire pit. How could we enjoy the outdoors and want to have a fire pit anyway? There are lots of papers to burn, and kids like to roast marshmallows, eat smores and in general, like fires. But if your neighbors don't want to hear other people having fun in the outdoors because they think that having fires is only for camping during the summer...well, who's problem is that?
Put a garden in. The prophet says to and it's economical too. But those pesky tomato cages look so well- pesky. And if you plant rasberries-make sure you do it near the property line so your neighbor who will hate free fruit will get rasberries popping up in his yard. I have to say that I was renting an apartment in college where blackberries grew abundantly in the backyard--ok they were a suburban jungle of vines in the back--and I had the lady behind me--mind you I had only lived there one month--yell at me for planting the blackberries and why couldn't I prune them or get rid of them. I kid you not. It took me the entire month to realize that the vines had edible fruits on them. I would be happy to have free rasberry bushes growing in my yard. Anything garden: corn, zuchinni, peas, spinach, beans, roses, anything will annoy neighbors who think that gardening is getting a shopping cart in the produce aisle. Personally, I plant the garden so my kids can throw tomatoes at each other, pick off the little cute green peppers, and step on any carrots I have.
Annoying your neighbors so they don't like you makes life simple. You don't have to worry about having your driveway shoveled when you are gone for two weeks on vacation. Or if a family member who looks NOTHING like you comes and takes stuff out of your garage--he could be a thief but your neighbors will look the other way so you don't have to worry about the police getting called and coming to investigate. You don't have to deliver any Christmas gifts, or say hi on the off-chance that you are both outside at the same time. You can pretend you are strangers when you see each other in the store--no small talk necessary. Your mail will overflow, your garbage can will stay out by the street, and animal control will become your friend. Life is too short to worry about what others think of you--especially your neighbors. My advice: get your neighbors to dislike you, then at least one of you will be happy.
No comments:
Post a Comment